Hmmmm

This is one of those moments when I realize the down side of walking with Freyja.

I am actually really comfortable and very confident in my sexuality. Freyja has helped me see things in a new way. I’ve always been open to some level of experimentation; long ago, I decided that most forms of sensuality & sexuality were not to be feared or shunned. The only thing I expected from my partners was an attitude of joyful respect. I don’t think that’s asking too much.

Well…the problem here is that when one does send off signals of being very strongly sexually empowered, other people often misinterpret this. They think you’re open to ANYTHING. With ANYONE. At any given time. For some reason, it’s difficult for them to understand that even you have your boundaries – and being empowered does include recognizing and honoring one’s own boundaries, whatever they are.

A friend’s “boo” is forever messaging me on FB, with texts of a sexual nature – it’s not too “out there” as of yet, but he keeps wanting to send me photos of his willy, or telling me that he’s stroking off, or things like that.

I’m getting to the point where:

1: I’m almost afraid to log in to my real account

2: it’s starting to feel like what I went through with my stepfather

3: I’m being sent a message of, I’m valuable only for my sexuality

If ya ask me, none of this is cool. And this is the kind of thing that gets one asking “did I send off the wrong signals?”

I shouldn’t have to ask that. And I shouldn’t have to resort to a pseudonym online.

So far as I know, I have given no indication that I have the slightest interest in this man in that way. If he reads my openness about my relationships and sexuality as an invitation, that’s HIS problem, not mine.

This is, to me, definitely crossing a boundary. I have no feelings of THAT kind towards him – never have, and likely never will.

It was funny at first, but it’s gone on too long now, and it’s starting to really disturb me. It’s getting to where I may have to do something really ugly to protect my boundaries.

Freyja help me.

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Thoughts

Well, I think that it’s not going to be quite possible for me to be a Buddhist, as much as I like that path.

This is because I don’t completely rule violence out of means for conflict resolution. Buddhists are apparently called to be absolute pacifists.

I don’t think one should resort to fisticuffs to solve absolutely everything – but I won’t echo Sting’s sentiment of “nothing comes from violence and nothing ever could” (that from his song “Fragile”). I don’t believe that nothing comes from violence. I don’t even believe that only bad comes from violence.

I would say violence is not pretty, and is undesirable over 99% of the time, but sometimes it is the very thing necessary to settle a conflict.

So I guess I’ll be walking some kind of weird semi-agnostic pagan path, focusing in large part on women’s spirituality.